Too Reliant…?

Tags

college, Dissapointment, Expectations, Family, Life, Overwhelmed, School, Stress, University

I always thought that it was a great thing that my parents can count on me and that I’m able to do some stuff and help out my parents whenever they need it. However, recently, I’ve been starting to feel like it’s becoming an overwhelming amount… I have so much work (school and others) and I’m trying to prioritize, but whenever I say that I can’t do something for my parents, my dad get upset. It’s like, he wants me to excel in school, while having some extra curricular activities, having a social life, and be able to do whatever he needs whenever he needs it. I’m just one person… They rely on me for so much now that I can’t even feel bad when I say no to them because I know it’s a relatively small thing compared to what I need to do. Needless to say, I am an only child and that’s why they tend to rely on me for everything. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help my parents and do as much as I can for them. I just think that with the amount of stress i have, prioritizing my work is the only way I’m able to stay sane.

Now, some of you might be thinking that I’m over exaggerating here. Trust me when I say that I wish I was. My family friends recently asked us to go to Chicago for a little get-away. We agreed and now we’re going to go. After establishing this, my dad asked me if there were any new requirements to entering the country or if anything has changed. I said that I wasn’t sure and my mom said that they will just search it up and look into it. Before my mom even finished that sentence, my dad said “Our daughter can do it. She just has to do a quick search and I’m sure she can find it faster than us anyways.” I was flattered to hear that, but he told me to do this during the week that I had 2 midterms. I was so stressed already with midterms, but I didn’t want to disappoint him so what do I say… “Of course I can do it. It won’t take long.” It’s little things like this that I can’t say no, but I just hate myself for saying yes. Just today, my parents called me and asked if I was doing anything tonight. I said that I wasn’t because I wanted to focus on my studies. My dad instantly said “Oh, then we’ll come pick you up tonight instead of tomorrow” (because we’re driving to Chicago the day after). I said that I kinda just wanted to stay at school so that I’m able to focus a bit more on my school work. He then said that I can take an early bus home so that I can watch the house while our tenants moved out and while he’s at a dentist appointment… I know that if I go home, I’m not going to be able to concentrate. I asked if I could come home later because I want to focus a bit more on my school work… He got mad… I don’t understand. He always tells me that my education is the most important thing and now, that’s exactly what he’s depriving me of. I have another midterm next week, I practically failed a previous one for the course, so I literally have no choice but to do good. He knows this.

This rant is getting a little long, so I’ll probably just end it with a few last sentences. I’m usually very good at fitting everything in and ensuring that I’m able to complete everything everyone wants me to even if I have to full all-nighters to do it. But I guess this week, with the added amount of work from my extra curricular activities, the added pressure from midterms, and the added stress from not having enough time is getting to me… I don’t know what I should do anymore…

“Minor” Setbacks…

Tags

Average, Expectations, Family, Proud, School, Special, Standards, University

Recently, it just hit me how my parents think of me as just “okay” and “mediocre”.

Throughout high school and into university, one of the best things that’s happened to me is hearing from my dad, on my high school graduation day, that he was proud of me and that I’m better than how he thought I was. As a child growing up, my dad didn’t really care too much about how I was doing. As long as I wasn’t failing and my grades were decent, then everything was okay. I always thought that he didn’t care too much about what I was doing because what I was doing was never enough. My mom was usually the one who cared a lot about my grades, extra curriculars, etc. I knew that I was always “mediocre” in my dad’s mind until my graduation day. I was so happy to hear those words from him. At that moment, it seemed like everything I’ve gone through, relying on myself for everything, was worth it. Now, just today, I realized that my mom has only viewed me as “mediocre”. And at this point, I feel like pleasing her is the hardest thing in the world…

My mom has been with me through almost everything. Usually if something happens, she’s the one who I can talk to and will help me through everything. So when hearing her say “My judgement is pretty accurate. You’re average, maybe a little above average at times. That’s how you were in high school and that’s how you are now.” really struck home. I was already feeling a bit upset because I wasn’t able to get a job that one of my other friends got, so hearing that from my mom didn’t really boost my self-confidence. That was the moment that I realized how high my mom’s standards are and how I might never be able to meet them.

Everything I’ve done and everything I’m doing is so that I’m able to make my parents proud and show them that their efforts didn’t go to waste… That I am the daughter that they raised me to be. I’ve hit rock bottom and I can tell you that it wasn’t easy for me to climb back up. But I did it. When I was younger, I knew that my parents might not have been fully satisfied with my accomplishments and they’ve never thought I was really that great, but I used that as my motivation to prove them wrong. Now, the first time ever, I’m wondering if I’m able to achieve that… I know that I shouldn’t be too quick to judge and I should still try even if I don’t end up doing it, but it’s hard… It’s really damn hard to do that when you know that your parents have always and might always think that I’m nothing but “average”…

Is High School better than College…?

Tags

Academics, Blog, Blogging, college, Experiences, High school, Life, Opinions, School, Stories, Stress, Thoughts, University

High school was so much easier… But just because it was easier, does it make it better?

Recently, I’ve encountered a whole list of set backs. From academics, to extracurriculars, to friends. Now, it’s not as bad as it sounds. I would consider them to be rather minor setbacks, but we, as humans, have a habit of holding onto those setbacks and letting it linger in our hearts. Or well, I do anyways. With these setbacks, I’ve been wondering if I felt better in high school. If things were easier. I think the main reason why I started thinking about this is because the last time I had a major hit in academics was in grade 12, before I graduated. I was stressed during that time because I had to maintain a certain average to retain one of my university acceptances, and my calculus mark was just fluctuating. I remember breaking down a few times either during or after school because I was so stressed out about my mark. Now, I just received one of my midterm marks back and I’m feeling the same sense of anxiety and stress. I feel like breaking down, but my mind isn’t letting me because I have 2 more exams coming up this week. I absolutely hate this feeling. I just want to cry and let it all out, but I have no time…

It wasn’t until writing this post that I realized something. When I was telling you my experience in high school, I remembered the thought I had about a year ago. I was thinking back to how stressed I was in high school and how it really doesn’t matter now what that mark is. I did manage to maintain the average that I needed, but I didn’t even end up choosing that university. I realized how irrelevant it is in the grand scope of things. In 5 years, I’m not going to care about the 50% I got on a midterm in 2nd year. The only reason and motivation for me to continue and to do better in the course is first, passing the course, and the idea of getting a great job. I believe that I am able to do better because I know where my flaws are. I will improve, and that is my determination.

Going back to the whole high school idea, even though I did experience a similar situation, there was a lot less stress in terms of everything else I had going on in my life. But then I remembered all of the good things that has happened since I’ve been in university. The friends that I’ve made, the freedom, just the environment alone is one that I feel more comfortable in. So maybe high school was easier because the classes were easier, you had the same schedule every day with the same people, and you really didn’t have much to worry about (except when you’re anxiously waiting for that college acceptance). But university gives you an experience that you’ll never forget. With the added stress and pressure, it comes with a plethora of new friends, new experiences, and to be honest, a breath of fresh air. It’s here where I realized for the first time, that I’m going to be okay. And that regardless of what happens, I’m able to find my path and create the life that I want for my future.

First Year Challenges

Tags

college, First Year, Life changes, School, Stress, University

First year of university is always a frightening thing. You don’t know what will happen, what friends you’re going to make, how life will change. After completing the first year of university, here are some things that I think were the biggest changes to my life.

1. Stress

You may not realize it when it’s happening, but during the first few months of first year, I was actually going through more stress than I ever have before. I was stressed because I was alone, I didn’t know what to expect from school, I barely had any friends, etc. So much contributed to this and I just didn’t think that it would have such an impact on me. I underestimated my abilities to adapt. This will be further explained in the other categories listed underneath.

2. Independence

This is something that I struggled with the most during my first year. I am an only child, extremely close with my family, and the longest I’ve been away from both of my parents is less than a week from when I went to summer camp. With that being said, it was extremely hard for me to be independent in a place where I was unfamiliar with and where I barely knew anyone. It took me a while to adapt and be comfortable in my surroundings. Now, once I have adapted, the freedom that you have is exhilarating. I loved being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.

3. Academics

I was never the smartest or the one who had the highest grade in class, but I also wasn’t the worst student. After arriving at university, this didn’t really change much. I’m not the best, but I don’t think that I’m the worst. The thing that really changed for me is how you need to rely on yourself to study and do well. There is no such thing as “mandatory homework”. The prof doesn’t tell you what you have to do. They do however tell you what you should do to do good in the course. Now, whether you do it or not all depends on you. You choose what readings you want to do and when you want to do them. If you don’t understand something, you should take the initiative to attend office hours and get clarification. Especially since first year classes are really large, you really have to take initiative.

P.S. The amount of reading you have to do from the textbooks were a bit overwhelming as well.

4. Competition

This might be a category that’s different for everyone. My program was always known to have competitive students. I really understood what that meant during our first networking event. You truly do see the extent that people go through to make an impression on some of the recruiters. This was a bit intimidating for me as I wasn’t really exposed to this type of environment before. However, you start realizing that the competition is what makes the program great. It’s what contributes to the reputation that it has. After a while, I understood the importance of networking events and that a little competition never hurts anyone. Everything you do in life will be a competition. Whether it’s competing with someone for a job or competing with our own expectations to make us the best version of ourselves possible.

5. Extra Curriculars

Extra curricular activities. In high school, I wasn’t too involved. I didn’t feel a need to be involved and some groups like student council was mainly based on popularity. That’s something that I hated because it’s not based on your skills and abilities. This changed in university, as they only look at your skills, abilities, and personality. Also, the main reason I decided to join clubs and associations is to meet more people. University is so large that you’re never going to meet, let alone know everyone like you might have in high school. It’s a great way to meet others outside of your faculty and get involved.

Some people will have different opinions and experiences than I did and that’s totally okay. You might not go through some of the things I did either, but this is just some thoughts that I thought I’d put out there for you. There were quite a bit of changes for me, but those changes helped me grow as a person. Looking back, I tried and experienced new things, made a lot of new friends, and just loved the experience. I had a great first year.

6 Tips for University/College

Tags

college, Dorm, Homesickness, tips, University

After moving into my dorm, I’ve come across 6 helpful tips that might come in handy for you!

1. Regardless of what type of room you’re in, ALWAYS bring a reusable water bottle or just a pack of water bottles. You will be replying on these to keep you hydrated, especially during Frosh.
2. If you want cold water but you don’t want to use the tap or the water bottles, you can boil the water, let it cool for a bit, pour it into a jug and put it into the fridge. Overnight, your water will become nice and cool for you to drink 🙂
3. If you share a fridge or anything else with your roommates, it’s a good idea to label your stuff with a coloured tape or something like that. This way, there will be less confusion and mix ups.
4. It is usually best to bring a mattress pad or an old quilt to put under your bed sheets so that the bed is softer and more comfortable. I’m not so sure about other universities, but I know that a lot of the university beds are really hard and they hurt your back. With a mattress pad or anything else to soften it up, it will really help with having a more comfortable sleep and a less aching back.
5. Shower caddies and over the door hooks are really really useful. As for shower caddies, it saves you the trouble of having to carry everything in your arms and finding a place to put them. With a caddie, you can just bring it into the washroom with you, hang it up, and then take it back into your room. Some shower caddies also have hooks attached which are really convenient for hanging towels and shower caps. Moving on to over the door hooks, they don’t damage the doors or walls and they are able to hold a lot of weight. these are multipurpose and you can just reuse it over and over again.
6. I know this from personal experience, but it’s okay to be home sick. Missing your family back home, your old life, is normal. You are not alone. Especially if you’re an only child, it’s really really hard to get over the fact that you’re really alone now. No parents, no nothing. It does get better though, especially if you’re in a program that you love and are really excited about. Once in a while you might have those breakdowns where you just want to cry because you miss your family. It’s okay. Cry it out. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards. Also, it helps to skype or call your family every so often to help with this. For me, it helped a lot!

If you’d want any more information or you’d like to leave your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in the comments 🙂

Rude Much?

Tags

Problems, Roommates, University

Sometimes I just don’t understand.. I mean, even if something is bothering them, they should still kind of be nice or relatively nice about it right?

I don’t know… I was skyping with my parents in my room and when I finished and went downstairs, one of my roommates, who is also my best friend, told me that I was being too loud and that when I’d say something, she’d yell the same thing back… Is it just me or is that just kind of rude and disrespectful?? Not only that, but she is now mad at me and is talking to me in a rude tone. I understand that I was bothering her, but she could have went about it a better way… I mean, if the roles were reversed, I might be upset, but I’d understand because she’s talking with her parents and it’s not like she’s doing it on purpose… I just though that as a best friend and just for the common courtesy, she would have said it in a better way and just be more understanding… She knows that I’ve been missing home a LOT, so I don’t know why she would yell back the same things I was saying which to me seems like she’s mocking me and really being disrespectful. I could totally be over reacting right now, but it’s just how I thought of the whole thing.

I guess this is the only place where I can really vent and share these feelings I’ve been having. If you guys have anything to share, leave it in the comments 🙂

Independence

Tags

college, Growing Up, Life changes, Moving Out, University

I’ve never really realized how big of a deal moving out was until this month. There’s only about 3 weeks left before I move out to start university, and all I want to do is just spend time with my parents. It hadn’t really hit me until now to realize that once I move out, nothing is going to be the same. Everything that I’m so familiar with and that I’ve grow to know and love is all going to change. This is the first time I’m going to be fully taking care of myself, living by myself… I’m going to have to get use to this “new life” so to speak.

It’s really hard for me to imagine leaving them and possibly never living with them 100% after this month. I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents which makes this extremely hard for me. Call me a baby, but ever since I was a child, I’ve never wanted to grow up simply because I didn’t want to leave my parents… Embarrassing right? I know, some of you might think that this is only because my parents cook, clean, and practically do everything around the house, but it’s really not solely because of this. Every parent can be annoying sometimes, but we all know that we love them. I guess this love is just “stronger” (so to speak for lack of a better word), within me. Now, I don’t want you guys to think that I’m some baby who always wants to stick with my parents, I mean, I kind of am, but more so because my parents have always been busy with work when I was growing up. Especially because they’re the first generation of immigrants, it was hard to build up to what we have now. So I think that I’ve really had to mature, and be self dependent earlier than a lot of others. But even with that, I guess I’m also just kind of scared and excited at the same time for the changes and possibilities.

Most, if not all of my friends seem to be soo excited to be leaving their parents and living on their own. Call me the odd one out right? I mean, of course I’m excited, but I think I might just be a bit more emotional towards the idea of leaving… Does that entirely make me seem like a baby? Oh well, babies are cute right? Anyways, do any of you feel this way too? Let me know some of your stories and experiences in the comments 🙂

An Unexpected Surprise

Tags

Be Happy, college, Optimism, Residence, Unexpected Surprise, University

From the moment I applied to universities, I’ve also planned out the residences that I wanted to stay in. After I accepted my offer of admission, my friend and I decided that we were going to find 2 other roommates so that our chances of getting the residence of our choice would increase. My heart was already set on being in an apartment styled suite so if finding roommates is going to increase my chances of getting it, I’m willing to give it a shot.

Let me tell you, finding roommates isn’t as easy as you may think. Sure, a lot of other students are also looking for roommates, but finding ones that have the same room preference along with similar interests and values might require a bit more time and research. You wouldn’t want to live with people who you may not get along with, so actually spend some time talking to people and see if they’re the best fit for you before you agree on living together! Trust me, asking questions is a great thing!

At first when my friend and I posted a post on Facebook, asking if anyone wanted to room with us, we found 2 girls who seemed really sweet and out going. After about a month, we were notified by one of our roommates, telling us that she received another offer and was planning on attending that school instead. Well, at that point, it wasn’t the best news to hear.. I mean, residence rankings and registration was starting in a few weeks and finding another person might be a bit challenging. After a while, my friend and I were talking, and realized that our values and actions might not exactly mix with the other roommate that we’ve originally planned on being with. Once again, I cannot stress enough on how you should talk to your potential roommates ahead of time to ensure that your decision is the right one!

So anyways, now we’re back at square one. In the midst of desperately searching for 2 other roommates, we each received a message from 2 different people, wondering if we can all be roommates. This time, the girl that I was talking to was asking various questions and confirming with me if I was okay with certain habits and actions (she’s the one who made me realize how important asking questions is). Long story short, everything went well and we finally had a group of 4.

We had everything planned. We registered everything perfectly and thought of the things that we need and split it up among ourselves. The day finally came when we were going to find out our individual room assignments. I found out that the assignments were available when I was on the bus, going to a friend’s birthday celebration. As soon as I realized that it was available, I quickly logged onto my account with my phone and saw that not only did we not get the room that we wanted, but we were put into a townhouse… At first, we were all skeptical and weren’t the happiest, but as time progressed, we soon saw it as an opportunity to experience something new. Sure, it’s not the ideal residence and it is kind of isolated from the rest of the school, but who knows? The online reviews were pretty good. Furthermore, the room is a lot bigger than the other ones and if we really required to grab a late night snack or something, it wouldn’t be as distracting since the kitchen is downstairs. It’s quite a pleasant surprise actually.

Now, I’m really excited to be moving into this new home in September! One piece of advice that’s actually helped me, is that when things don’t go the way you planned or hoped, don’t be too disappointed. Go into it with an open mind! 🙂 Because if you don’t, you might turn something that was suppose to be a beautiful experience, into something that’s horrendous. And that’s all because you never gave it a chance and assumed the worst from the beginning. 🙂 This doesn’t just apply to experiences like this, but everything else in life! Be optimistic and not pessimistic!

A Question that will Never be Answered

Tags

Decisions, Life Questions, Questions Unanswered, School, University

To this day, I still don’t know if I made the right University choice. I followed my heart and chose the program that I’ve been loving since the 10th grade. I chose this school in the suburbs as oppose to a prestigious school in the big city. Not sure if I chose this because it was the safer bet, but trust me when I say that it was not an easy decision.

I’ve been going back and forth on this even before I received any offer of admission. “I love this school and the program… But this one is internationally recognized… Which one is going to be more beneficial for me? What’s the right decision? Is there a so called ‘right decision’ for this topic?” Constant questions raided my mind. This was probably one the most important decision of my life. If I made the wrong one, then my life from then on would constantly be a battle to reach my definition of Success. If I made the right one, then all I have to do is continue walking down the path that I’ve started.

I will never know if my decision is the right one. All I know is to continue walking and create my own path to success. That’s all I can do instead of regretting the decisions I didn’t make.

6 Tips to Consider in your Final Year of High School

Tags

college, High school, Life changes, tips, University

Surviving your final year in High School

1. Choose schools that YOU want and are interested in, that will benefit YOUR life and future.
2. Apply early for a chance to be considered for early admission. By doing this, you will give yourself the opportunity to take a breath of relief earlier in the year, instead of waiting until the end of the year.
3. Go to fairs, open houses, campus tours, etc when trying to decide what school you want to go to. Ultimately, if you don’t like the surrounding you’re in, you’re not going to do very well/you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing for the next 4 years or so. This was said to me by various teachers at my school.
4. Talk to your guidance counselor, parents, family friends, friends, teachers, etc and ask them for their opinion. You don’t and shouldn’t necessarily listen to everything they say, but it will help you better understand yourself and what you want to do and where you want to be. They might notice things about you that you never really considered yourself.
5. Email the admissions offices regarding any questions you have about their program. Sometimes, the different responses may actually be an important influential factor in your decision. One response may not be as satisfying and desired compared to some of the other ones.
6. Join the social media pages to meet you potential future classmates and friends. It’s a great way to meet new people, find roommates, and learn more about your program and school. I would highly recommend doing this.

These tips are just some things that I found helpful when I was in my final year. Some of these might help you too! Let me know if you guys would like me to do some more tips on other subjects! 🙂